I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
