My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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