I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
