This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
