Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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