The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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