and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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