Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
