he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
