I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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