I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
