i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
