My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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