i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
