If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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