i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
