then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
