so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
