it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
