when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
