so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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