at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
This toilet bowl is my home.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
