i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
