we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
