Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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