who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
