This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
