somebody snuck up and got me drunk
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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