Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
