I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
