i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
