I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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