You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
