i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
