my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
