She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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