he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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