mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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