Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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