trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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