i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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