everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
