My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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