# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
