Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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