wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
it wasn't lemon gatorade
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
