And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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