that's an acceptable place to lick
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
