It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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