Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i've created a new STD.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize