Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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