singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This is the high leading the old right now
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
