There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
