I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
