Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
