i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
