Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
