My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
