We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
