the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
