Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
