Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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