I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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