dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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