Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
