When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
