I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
