she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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