her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
