we're blogging at a bar
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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