3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
