took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you win again, gameday.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
