You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
