that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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