Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
