I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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