fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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